omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
