Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
