I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize