I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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