Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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