thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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