Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Pooping to opera.
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