I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
