i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
