Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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