so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
