there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize