We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
