And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
