People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
