Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
