I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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