I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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