I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
