i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
