420 ftw
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize