Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
