Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
