is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
