If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
