Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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