Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
