couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
