i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
