So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
NoShamevember. You game?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize