So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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