The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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