I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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