His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
