just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she peed on how many people?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
