I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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