So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
