you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
