are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
