you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
