Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
