You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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