I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
