They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
