You really coming over, don't trick.
Christians are straight up FREAKS
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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