tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm like, not good at living.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
