I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
