What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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