First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
