some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
