He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
