if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Blood and glitter go together right?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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