Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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