So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
