i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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