you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
