This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize