There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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