Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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