Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
