distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
