I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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