I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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