And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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