We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
