Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
