Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
