So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize