don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize