So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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