I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You were trust falling into bushes
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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