they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
