): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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