You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
