she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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