Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
