I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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