your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
