it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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