bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
