Just cropdusted the office
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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