running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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