Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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