Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
