i need an iv and a liver transplant
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
