Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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