dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
