i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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