we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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