Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
