Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
