I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
