I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
